Trust and respect. (Blog)

For me, BDSM is all about trust and respect.

Recently I have become entangled in my "Thinking" again. The fact that verbal humiliation, but also pain, evokes strong emotions in me stems from my childhood. This is also accompanied by physical complaints, a very unpleasant feeling in your stomach. For me, this is the reverse feeling of being "in love" and feeling love. The feeling of losing your "Love".

That trauma I suffered in my childhood is a primal feeling, an imprint. That feeling can sometimes last for days, while the cause was often (in retrospect) something small. When I get that feeling, I can often react violently, angry, irritated.

As a slave, that is not always convenient. Because the reason why you get so "Angry" is not because of your Mistress, but because of the feeling of physical pain and verbal humiliation that you experienced as a child that triggers that strong reaction in you.

Through great coaching from my Mistress, my Wife, my psychologist, my men's coach and the top men's group I'm in now, I'm sure it will work, and the periods where I feel happy are getting longer and longer.

It's okay for me to get "angry", but I have to think better, not react to that emotion. When, after a while, reason has taken possession of your brain again, and you know that Miss Mercy does not want to hurt you, but wants to make it clear to you what she expects from you.

Or that she made it clear to me through a rather painful "Session" that the anger and powerlessness in that setting can also cause very strong emotions.

This week I discovered again how important trust and respect is.

I notice that a new phase in my life is dawning, and that feels good.